Saturday's Comic Cuts...

Hereditary peerage for Telegraph pocket cartoonist Matt Ridley. Now. This instant...

...Mind you, according to a programme I keep failing to avoid on Radio 4 in the early hours of the morning as I prepare my final cup of tea, Brexit really is the worst thing that ever happened to any country, anywhere, at any time, and Britain is going to be left trailing in the wake of the EU and Japan because those two entities have signed a trade deal (apart from agreeing a few piddly details) and they bet the UK will be really sorry they won't be party to it and Japan won't even bother looking at Britain now and, just, "Ha ha ha! Serves us right!" (President Trump just said he expects the US to conclude a trade deal with Britain "very, very quickly", but the BBC will no doubt somehow manage to make this sound like bad news.) Lord Haw Haw is alive and well and living in W1AA.

According to Wikipedia, the evidently brilliant Caroline Criado-Perez is a Brazilian-born British freelance journalist who "has been involved in campaigns for women to gain better representation in the British media and to be depicted on banknotes." Her "activism" earned her an OBE (I'm not making this up). She has complained about receiving a lot of abuse on social media. Perhaps she should stop posting this sort of hysterical, moronic drivel? Just a thought.

Let me get this straight - 1,400 British girls are raped in Rochdale by Pakistani-origin Muslim rape gangs, the BBC makes a drama series about it - and it's all Tommy Robinson's fault?

Let's draw a veil (geddit?) over the minor issue of thousands of young white girls being sexually abused by gangs of Muslims in British cities, and move on to a far more pressing social issue...

I would suggest that offendees grow a pair, but that might be construed as insensitive. Now, I believe there are some Londoners - just a tiny (Trumpian?) handful of non-progressives - who aren't particularly enamoured of our Labour mayor, little Sadiq Kahn. But they should reflect on the plight of conservative (which I deploy here as a synonym for "decent") New Yorkers, whose mayor, Bill de Blasio, is at least a foot taller, but even more of a useless, virtue-signalling, left-wing idiot: 

Sheesh! Of course, he may just be trying to get away from the Palestinian-American political activist, Linda Sarsour, who is the former executive director of the Arab American Association of New York:  

When some silly commentators expressed alarm at Ms Sarsour's use of the term "Jihad", she fired back (sorry!) with the criticism that it was their fault for not understanding what the term means, culturally insensitive troglodytes that they are. Don't they realise it's the job of every non-Muslim in non-Muslim countries to understand the nuances of every Muslim/Arabic word uttered by Muslims? I bet she would immediately realise that by using the Norwegian term "Drittseck" about her, I am not calling her a "shit-bag", but mean it in its other sense - i.e. "a really nice person who is making a very sensible point if you just think about it". I'm sure this group of fine young people are in full agreement with Ms Sarsour that "jihad" doesn't actually mean "jihad":

 Hi, guys! Remember - if someone is running towards you brandishing a dirty great knife and shouting "Allahuh Akbar!" while hacking away at young women, relax. Yes, he is waging Jihad - but that's a good thing! (And, when you finally reach Planet Earth, do let us know!)

Please make sure you're sitting down before you read this next headline, because it will astonish you!

Racists! Meanwhile, the Scottish Daily Mail printed the following reader's letter/email, which can't be true, or else the BBC is guilty of politically biased reporting:

Nazi! 

On a lighter note, I wish I could remember who posted this on Twitter, accompanied by the comment: "And she can move in any direction..."

Nice one.