Friday 28 August 2015

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown: why are left-wing women always so fantastically funny?



Oh, my aching sides! 

Well, obviously, this is so funny it really should be banned in case anyone dies laughing.  But what makes it so utterly brilliant is that it's just so spot on: because, you see, it's only the sort of toffs who've been to Oxbridge and work in the city who want immigration controlled. The rest of the country - ordinary middle class, lower middle class and working class folk - all agree with Yasmin that anyone who questions whether uncontrolled immigration is a wholly beneficial phenomenon is an upper-class racist fox-murderer. That's why UKIP only managed to poll a paltry 3.8m votes at the general election - as everyone knows, the bulk of its support comes from "one percent". It's also why immigration tops the list of voters' concerns - beating the NHS and the economy - in the latest monthly Economist Ipsos Mori poll (presumably the pollsters only cavnvassed racist city bosses).

And Yasmin's "business op" quip really hits home, because, as we all know, all businessmen hate immigrants - to such an extent that a Tory minister today begged firms to stop giving jobs to immigrants rather than native Britons. (Er...oh, hang on...I'll have to get back to you on that one.)

Yasmin may be a teensy bit off piste when it comes to the question of toffs not being allowed to shoot foxes, because that is actually legal - and the majority of people who do it are from what used to be known as the lower orders. Still, never mind - never let facts get in the way of a top-notch jape.

Anyway, it was a fabulous tweet, and takes its place at the top of my favourite Alibhai-Brown quotes, alongside her rib-tickling comment on white men: “I don’t like them. I want them to be a lost species in a hundred years.” No, honestly - why would anyone find that even mildly offensive?

Twitter users responded appreciatively - there was the inevitable call for Yasmin's carer to take her to Dignitas, the surely uncontroversial observation that she is "a disgusting excuse for a human being" and that she has a "vile mind" - and one that involved the phrase "rancid shitpuffin", which I've stored away for future use. The most sensible suggestion was that it was "about time the mad old bat fucked off somewhere she finds more agreeable." Makes sense to me: if I were an immigrant who found the indigenous people of the country which had been good enough to welcome me in despicable, I'd seriously consider leaving it for somewhere more to my liking. Yasmin was born in Uganda, where I doubt she'd find many of the rich, educated white people she evidently loathes. A one-way ticket  from London to Entebbe can be had for just over £300 - I, for one, would be only too willing to chip in.


6 comments:

  1. If you could arrange for her to travel strapped to a gurney wearing a hockey mask I would chip in too.

    Another example. Now that Toksvig has gone the BBC briefed the head-hunters to find a replacement - cretinous left-winger, under 5 ft tall, enthusiastic admirer of Dutch sea defences, free of humour. Step forward Susan Calman.

    Apart from being a regular on News Quiz itself our small friend [the classic wee Glasgow njaff] has regular slots on The Unbelievable Truth and I'll Read that Again as well as her own mini-series, Sisters [all on Radio 4]. The BBC do not do anything by halves.

    Next week I shall be writing about Shappi Khorsandi....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for mentioning Susan Calman - the ultimate BBC pet comedian. It has prompted me to write about her and all the other unfunny wee nyaffs who wouldn't have a career without the support of our licence-fee money, because nobody who doesn;t work for the BBC's comedy department would ever pay to watch them:
      http://scottgronmark.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/stan-ollies-brokeback-mountain-was.html

      Delete
  2. Any place that Yasmin wasn't surrounded by her admiring coterie of ultra left wing bigots this woman would be considered as a lunatic. And yet she's forever popping up on BBC political prog's wittering on about how vile and racist we all are. If it isn't Yasmin then it's Polly,if it isn't Polly it's Billy Bragg.It sometimes makes me wonder if we really are that unspeakably horrible. And if we are why she puts up with us...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Jeff JeffreyM, we really are that unspeakably horrible. All white males over a certain age are guilty in a very real sense. What we're guilty of, I'm not quite sure - being white men, I suppose. As to why Yasmin continues to "grace" us with her presence, I presume it's because mouthy Muslim women tend to get treated very, VERY harshly in Muslim countries where they're not afforded the protection of unspeakably horrible whites and their restrictive, patriarchal, racist Anglo-Saxon Common Law under which everyone is treated as an equal. She understands this, and, indeed, has written strong things about the oppressive of women in Muslim societies, but, oddly, it doesn't seem to have made her any more appreciative of men in the sort of societies where women aren't routinely oppressed. Just a born whinger, I suppose.

      Delete
  3. Just to add a factual, personal element to the fox-hunting debate: I have bounced about on horses with several packs of hounds and while there are, most certainly, a handful of participating toffs, there are also hundreds of ordinary folk who probably spend less on a day's hunting than many football fans spend on an afternoon watching over-paid divas poncing about on manicured turf (yes, I too can have extreme partisan views).
    It is an easy swipe to mark all those who take part in country sports as toffs just as it is easy for the ill-informed to post imbecilic tweets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never ridden to hounds (horses have never taken to me, although I rather like them) but I've attended hunts in Cornwall, and was touched by the sight of a whole community - from the richest to the poorest - coming together in a common pursuit which they all evidently enjoyed hugely. (Any sympathy I might once have harboured for foxes has been radically tempered by increasing experience of the urban variety - ginger vermin, the lot of them.)

      Delete