Sunday, 10 March 2019

LP covers, film posters, magazine covers, vintage adverts - and how to avoid waking up gay in the morning!

Not to be confused with...

In case you don't fancy waking up to discover that your sexual orientation has changed (not, of course, that there would be anything in the least wrong with that)... should probably avoid Ovaltine, and start reading magazines for Real Men (although, come to think of it, this chap looks like he might be struggling with a few sexual issues):
Well, this sort of good, healthy stuff then:
And it might help if you started smoking a pipe and wearing unambiguously manly clothes:
A reasonable display of nasal hair would probably help to underline your heterosexuality - but avoid overdoing it:
But - whatever you do - avoid acquiring one of these:
Generally, it's best to avoid modern films, because - let's face it - you never know who's going to start snogging who. For instance, you can't go far wrong with Abbott and Costello movies:
Actually, that looks a bit too close for comfort, lads! But, whatever you do - as I recently warned you -  keep away from vintage male underwear adverts:
(I wonder what a "no-tare fly" is, or why you'd need one?)

Am I alone in thinking it might have better if trumpeter Eddie Calvert rearranged himself before the photo-shoot?
How could I possibly have missed these great-looking albums when they were released?  
Or Sir Adrian Boult's recording of The Planets, especially given its extremely tasteful cover? 
I'll end with this extraordinarily prescient 1965 DC Comics cover, evidently warning us what would happen if we failed to ban fast food adverts on the Underground! 


  1. In fairness to Eddie Calvert, closer examination of the LP cover suggests that the safari shirt he is wearing over his shorts has a pocket in which he has placed his left hand. Given that he is holding his golden trumpet in his right hand, he would hardly have been looking for it inside his shorts with his left, unless you are suggesting that he has been adjusting his Carter's Trigs for the picture and the photographer has shot one off prematurely, so to speak.

    Ah, Saturday night in the 60s! A pair of freshly laundered Buttericks, the latest pullover and weften, slip on the old Bobby's Choker Neck Band, fill the pipe and it's off down the Gaumont to take the Ursuline Convent girls to Glory Alley. And with any luck, back up the hill later for a groovy happening with Eddy Wallace's Greatest Hits on the turntable. Salad days.

  2. Jerry Wallace. I was studying the photograph of the C&W singer and noted that Diane Abbott has adopted exactly the same hair-style. In case our soon-to-be Labour Home Secretary decides to go the whole hog [no rudeness intended] and decides to "blond up" I would remind her of the examples of Anne Widdecombe, Paul Pogba and Sergio Aguero who has ended up looking like Simple Jack in "Tropic Thunder".

  3. We could add the late Andre Preview to the Diane Abbott lookalikes. Could she be a classical music fan, perhaps?