Messi or Ronaldo? There's only one way to find out... FIGHT! (To the death, apparently)

It won't work without a table, lads

So, this is what the New Internationalism comes down to. Following a party in a village in India,  two Nigerians get into an argument over which of two footballers - one Portuguese, one Argentinian, both playing for Spanish clubs - is the best in the world,. This argument results in one of the Nigerian party-goers throwing a glass at the other, who then proceeds to beat his compatriot to death. You can read the full story on the BBC Sport site.

The really annoying thing about the reports of this event is that we aren't told which of the footballers the two Nigerians were supporting, i.e. did the Ronaldo supporter kill the Messi supporter, or vice-versa?

Wish I'd been there to settle the dispute before it got out of hand. As any fule kno, one of those players is a preening, megalomaniacal tosser, while the other is the greatest football player the world has ever seen. End of argument.

Let's face it, one of those footballers would never have dreamt of doing this with a penalty, simply because he wouldn't have been credited with the resulting goal:

If Ronaldo had done that, we'd all want to throw a glass at him. Messi does it and we laugh with delight (unless, of course, you're a Celta Vigo supporter, or Ronaldo).