The best-ever riposte to an attempted cricketing "sledge" was made by Ian Botham

It's lunch on the fifth day of the second test between the West Indies and England. Jimmy Anderson has just ripped the Windies batting line-up apart, with three wickets, two catches and one run-out. Bloody hell! Thanks to him, there now seems a chance that England might (but only might) win a match that looked like a certain draw. There's been a bit of argy-bargy between the two sides during the series so far, especially between England bowler Ben Stokes and Windies batsman Marlon Samuels. I find bowlers snarling at batsmen rather tedious - if you're that good, just bowl the bugger out. I also hate it when a number of fielders gang up on a batsman in an attempt to goad him into playing a foolish shot. And, I'm not that keen on wicketkeepers undermining batsmen by shouting encourgament at the bowler between every ball. Distinctly oikish behaviour. Sledging in general is unpleasant - but I do enjoy it when the intended victim turns the tables.

The best riposte to a piece of sledging came from Ian Botham during an Ashes match. When the great England all-rounder arrived at the wicket, the Aussie keeper Rodney Marsh asked: "So how's your wife and my kids?", to which Botham replied: "Wife's fine. Kids are retarded".

In a Sheffield Shield match, new batsman Steve Waugh was taking an age to prepare for his first ball. Opposition player Jamie Siddons finally lost patience and snapped: "For fuck's sake, mate, it's not a fucking test match!", to which Waugh replied: "Of course it's not. You're here."

In a test match between South Africa and Australia, batsman Daryll Cullinan arrived at the wicket to be greeted by Shane Warne - who had a habit of getting Cullinan out and who hadn't bowled at him for a while - with, "I've been waiting two years for another crack at you", to which Cullinan replied, "Looks like you spent it eating."

In a 2001 match, Mark Waugh, the brother of Aussie captain, greeted England batsman  James Ormond with "Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England." Ormond replied "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

And in case you didn't see Marlon Samuels getting the best of Ben Stokes by saluting him as he walked off after losing his wicket, here it is (Stokes thoroughly deserved it):