Twitter evidently thinks I should follow a bunch of deranged leftards!

For the first time in about six months I've just checked the list of tweeters Twitter suggests I follow, which of course has to be based on the people I already follow. Given that I don’t follow a single left-winger – apart from the near-saintly Nick Cohen – I’m trying to figure out why the absolute toppermost of the poppermost of the folks (sorry – just been listening to Obama on TV) whose opinions Twitter evidently imagines I’d enjoy keeping up to date with is…

JEREMY HARDY!!!

If I was ever in need of an exceptionally powerful emetic, I’d call up BBC iPlayer, type “Jeremy Hardy” into the search box, and click “play”. I’d be projectile-vomiting within ten seconds of hearing the pestilential little twerp’s nasal drone.

Sixth on the list is David Aaronovich, who I presume some Twitter algorithm equates with Nick Cohen, but whom he only resembles insofar as they are both left-wing and Jewish. Besides, I worked with the porky Blairite and I’m absolutely certain I don’t want to hear any more of his opinions.

At number eight I come across leftist historian Mary Beard, who (obviously) gets right up my nose.

At number ten – for God’s sake! – is… POLLY TOYNBEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A bit further down there’s the Occupy-supporting Anglican priest Giles Fraser. Seven below him comes J.K. Sodding Rowling (did you know she was a single parent?) Closely followed by lefty lovey Sir Patrick Stewart (sample bollocks: Absorbing the tragic incident of the child with the Uzi I notice the target is a human shape. Exactly what is that teaching?)

Eventually, we get to Ian Katz, the ex-Guardian chappie who is now editor of Newsnight (does anybody still watch it?), and Alan Freaking Rusbridger, his old boss.

Still, at least Twitter didn’t offer up Yasmin Alibhai Brown, Diane Abbott or Joe Biden.

I presume the reason Twitter has automatically generated such ghastly names is that many of the conservative journals and journalists I follow have to keep close tabs on the enemy. Thanks God I no longer have to!