Dominique Strauss-Kahn embroiled in new sex scandal as it is claimed he tried to assault Italian journalist in the late 1990sDaily Mail headline (full story here)
Oh dear. Just days after DSK (former head of the International Monetary Fund and dedicated hotel inspector) premiered his latest girlfriend – the toothsome Myriam L’Aouffir - at the Cannes Film festival, the merde has truly hit the aérateur once more.
Having spent an almost sleepless night worrying about the continuing troubles of the one man who could surely have spared Europe its current economic travails (sorry, all this French is catching), imagine how delighted I was to find, waiting in my in-box, an email purporting to be from the Great Man, fiercely defending his reputation while setting about his less well-endowed rivals with gusto. (Readers of this blog are far too well-educated to require a full translation, but I should probably point out that L’Eveque translates as “The Bishop”, and that the Gordon referred to is probably the well-known Saviour of the Universe, Flash Gordon – either that or an obscure and reclusive Labour MP who is rumoured to "represent" a Scottish constituency):
"C'est incroyable! Encore une femme, celle-la une belle pepe Italienne, maintenant a fait des allegations, totalement remplis de mensonges, que j' avais essayer de la presenter monsieur l'Eveque contre son gre. C'est des conneries, je vous assure.
Peut etre cettes femmes ne pouvaient comprendre des besoins des hommes aussi important et viriles comme moi qui avait sauve le monde, avec mon ami Gordon. Et, ce qui est plus, a la meme temps ce demi-esprit Hollande, President? Pah!!! Il avais aligne deux femmes, qui sont tous deux comme elles diables, et qui se battrent comme des chats de gouttiere, pour faire ensemble le rumpy-pumpy avec son petit tinky-winky. Et tout le monde lui a dit "Top bloke", comme on dit en Anglais, "Et continuez-vous de faire la bete avec deux dos avec cettes duo de bebes chaudes". C'est pas juste. Il s'agit la d'une situation qu'aucun homme ne tolererait. Partout, je suis tres jaloux de ce batard jammy. Et, en attendant, la France est en train de disparaitre vers la bas les tubes. Je serai de retour, mes amis! Mon pays a besoin de moi!"Incroyable, indeed. We trust that Dominque will shortly smite his myriad enemies with his mighty "Sword of Truth".
Could you pass on a word of advice to your correspondent, please.
ReplyDeleteIn How to speak like a Eurocrat, Charles Bremner of the Times pointed out that:
If you work around the Brussels EU machine, you know that the standard language is English but it is of a special kind that is often impenetrable to civilians ... It sounds like English, but it’s actually French.
The Translation Directorate of the Secratariat General at the European Court of Auditors has now produced a dictionary which enumerates the differences between these two Englishes.
The word of advice is, use the dictionary, DSK, your meaning in the blog post above is too clear and that is uncommunitarian.
Thanks, Mr. Moss - the dictionary is fascinating! When the purpose of an organisation is to lie, obfuscate, plunder and to bamboozle democratically elected governments into surrendering their power to a bunch of unelected and unaccountable socialists, I expect talking meaningless bollocks comes in dead useless. Either that or they're deliberately revenging themselves on the British for not getting with the programme by destroying their language.
DeleteA thouroughly good laugh. Thank you.
ReplyDelete