In a gay marriage, is one partner the husband and the other the wife?

So the people of Britain have spoken, and, surprisingly it appears that the promise to legalise gay marriage wasn’t quite enough to keep them onside (even with House of Lords reform thrown in). In his speech after being beaten into fourth place by the Green London mayoral candidate (some little middle-aged woman wittering on about climate change), Lib-Dem ex-copper Brian Paddick thanked his “husband” (whom he married in Norway, as he felt compelled to inform us) for his support. This got me wondering.

As I’ve never been to a civil partnership ceremony (I’ve been invited to one, but we were on holiday), I’m not quite sure what the terms husband and wife mean in countries where same-sex marriage is legal. In fact, I’m not sure if one of the partners is commonly designated as the wife or not. Are both partners referred to as the husband (seems rather odd). I've just looked this up on the web, and have seen a variety of answers.

I only ask because whenever I’ve heard male politicians or film producers ostentatiously thank their “husbands” for being there for them, or whatever, the thanker is often as butch as all get-out, which has left me musing on how masculine their partners must be. Are we talking Village People construction-worker levels of testosterone? Would they make me look like a ladyboy? Or does it refer to which roles they adopt when performing sex acts on each other - but, then, what if they tend to turn and turn about, as it were?

And what will happen when, as the coalition plans, the words husband and wife are removed from all official documentation – apparently being adjudged too fuddy-duddy after being in use in various languages for millennia (our ancestors – what did those fools know?). If these rather handy words are to be expunged from everyday social intercourse as well, how will gay married couples be able to signal that they’re married? Partner obviously won’t do it, and “my wedded partner” is confusing, because the partner could be married to someone else. "My legally-wedded partner"’s a bit of a mouthful (if you get my drift), as is “who’s married to me”. Marriage partner might do it, I suppose, but it sounds a bit brusque and businesslike.

If no one can figure out an acceptable and comprehensible phrase, how will we know if the gay couple we meet are married or not? (And if the answer is “it doesn’t really matter”, then why did they bother getting married in the first place?)

Perhaps it would be a lot easier if we went the other way and simply banned heterosexual marriage. After all, our government seems determined to drain the concept of all significance in any case.