Dear Fellow-Progressivists,
As a relentlessly frequent guest on Question Time and the Today Programme, a regular (and well-paid) contributor to the Guardian comment pages, and an inveterate co-signer of pompous letters from the Great and the Good protesting against any attempt to stop your taxes being spent on agreeable things of which Important People Like Us thoroughly approve I wish to let it be known that, as far as I am concerned, the decision by Monsieur Sarkosi (cd my unpaid research postgrad dogsbody check spelling of the little chap's name?) to expel every last representative of the noble Roma race from France represents an even greater crime against humanity than the Thatcher junta’s wholesale slaughter of the Nritish mining community in the early 1980s (when, coincidentally, I held the key role of chair of my university’s branch of the Socialist Workers Party). It is quite literally unbelievable, while those terrible years of horrific bloodshed are still so fresh in our memories, that some jumped-up French dwarf whose only claim to power is that more of his countrymen voted for him than for his opponents – and who doesn’t even have a proper French name, what’s that all about? – should have the temerity to ignore the wishes and directives of European Union officials, who, after all, have been chosen for high office by a select group of unelected pig-trough-swillers just like themselves.
And why has Sarquhosi chosen this bizarre course? Why, just to please French electors. Worse, to satisfy the wishes of the people who voted for him. What an inconceivably grubby motive for devising government policy! Just where would Europe be if governments paid any attention whatsoever to the wishes of the electorates? What have they got to do with anything, I’d like to know? Is the average voter a highly-educated, lavishly-remunerated, progressively-minded expert festooned with honours and titles by his awe-struck peers? Of course not! Why, if voters had their way, governments might start to feel they were supposed to act in their own national interests, and the dream of a European superstate, led by the very countries which saved us from the shadow of Nazism (i.e. Germany and France), would be dead in the water, and people like me would earn a lot less money and be a lot less important. Who in their right mind could possibly countenance such an outcome?
As for the Roma themselves, fascists across Europe have long argued that they are a pack of skiving, sponging ne’er-do-wells who chose to live in squalor, don’t pay taxes, display a marked propensity for criminality, couldn’t care less about the law or the sanctity of property (apart from their own), and view the indigenous, law-abiding, tax-paying peoples of those countries they choose to bless with their presence as a bunch of mugs, ripe for fleecing.
But I say they are a vibrant, merry, free-spirited, multi-talented people with a rich, ancient culture (cd you check that they have any sort of culture – apart from caravan-painting, larceny and selling white heather?) whose colourful horse-drawn caravans and charming, impish, attractively dirt-smeared offspring and impossibly tiny pork pie hats add so immeasurably to our multi-ethnic European cultural landscape. If they tend to view other people’s possessions as, in some ways, their own, then surely we must learn to respect that aspect of their rich, vibrant, ancient (Tarquin, cd you think of some other suitable adjectives for inclusion here?) way of life. After all, why should it always be the duty of incomers to adjust to the cultural and moral norms of indigenous peoples? Did our ancestors do that when they invaded hundreds of peaceful, happy, vibrant, enlightened countries and imposed the brutal yoke of so-called Western “civilization” – and, even worse, “Christianity” - on their unsuspecting inhabitants?
I think not.
Besides, where are the refugees from Sarcosy’s brutal reign of terror supposed to go? They can hardly be sent back to the tyrranous Thhird World hell-holes from which – in fears of their very lives – they originally escaped. (Tarquin – someone on the radio said these gypos come from countries which are part of the European Union. Ridiculous, of course – can you imagine a decent European country producing such an absolute shower? - but cd you phone little Barroso and check anyway, and cancel my dinner with him while you’re at it? – can’t understand a word he says, and, besides, he looks like the result of some genetic experiment gone horribly wrong).
When it comes to the great issues of our time, I have invariably adopted postures designed purely to make me feel good about myself while requiring absolutely no form of personal sacrifice – and, let me assure you, this one is no different.
I call on all decent politicians in this country (i.e. no Tories) to disassociate themselves from M. Sarkozi’s disgraceful policy, and to make an unconditional and binding pledge to accept any member of the Roma community expelled from France – in fact, any Romany and their extended families and anyone they happen to know, whether they’re Romany or otherwise – and to offer them a permanent home in this country on any site of their choosing, and a lifetime entitlement to all the benefits traditionally available to the UK’s non-working community, and a lifetime amnesty from any form of criminal prosecution, no matter what high jinks they get up to.
In the name of simple humanity, I feel this is the least we, the British people, who have been so guilty of so many crimes against the rest of humanity, can do.
Yours,
Lord Feelgood of Smug
“The Struggle”,
Nimby-on-the-Wold,
Smugfordshire
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