Tuesday 3 June 2014
Clegg and Cable share a morning pint - I, for one, am now utterly convinced that they're really good friends!
And there were we thinking that they were a pair of dead men walking who absolutely loathed each other! Now it turns out we were wrong, and that they're really great mates after all. Look, I'm normally a cynical sort of chap, but in this instance I see no reason to doubt that this was an entirely spontaneous decision. The fact that they shut down the pub so they could enjoy a bit of a chinwag - like old muckers do - is neither here nor there.
"Hey, Nick."
"Yes, Vince, you old rogue?"
"I normally pop down the boozer around this time of a the morning for a few pints of wallop and a bit of a giggle. Fancy joining me?"
"I was just thinking how much I - being a typical sort of bloke, just like that Nigel Farage - wouldn't mind a skinfull to set me up nicely for the afternoon. So, yeah, I'm well up for it. Maybe we should rope in Mike Oakeshott and Chris Huhne and make an afternoon of it. God, how incredibly bloody normal we are!"
"That we are, pal, that we are."
I know they didn't do this for publicity purposes: nevertheless, it's bound to convince voters to let bygones be bygones and to return in droves to their vile, conscienceless, malodorous pustule of a political party.
"Oi, you two wankers - piss off. You're barred!"
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it beggars belief that they and their advisors embark on such hollow publicity stunts; they must hold the voting public in astonishingly low regard. Tossers.
ReplyDeleteDon't judge them too harshly Riley. I think the plan is that every one who votes Lib Dem in the next election will be able to fit into a small pub for personal consultations with the leadership. Nick and Vinny were just checking out possible locations.
ReplyDeleteAn additional irony is that in the best traditions of a left of Labour, anti-capitalist party of principle, their mutual friend Oakeshott owns a number of similar pubs, including the one nestling in the corner of the elegant square where the wife of our esteemed Blogmeister spent her formative years. I do hope they don't try a similar stunt there. Things can get well edgy down here in Sarf London.
Damien Thompson wrote sympathetically about the Lib Dems in the Telegraph this morning:
ReplyDelete"I’m not really the biggest fan of the Liberal Democrats. I don’t want to overstate my case, but they strike me as the most utterly loathsome mainstream political party to have emerged since the fall of the Roman Empire. They have no creed but opportunism, no modus operandi save fighting dirty on the doorstep and mutual backstabbing. This took a bit of time to sink in with the electorate but, following the comically Machiavellian manoeuvres of Lord Oakeshott and “Dr” Vince Cable, the penny has dropped. Put it this way. On Thursday night I had a beautiful dream that the Lib Dems had come sixth in a parliamentary by-election. And when I woke up… it was true!"
Balanced, I thought.
Sad to see that Peter Hain, that darling of the Putney Liberal Party when I grew up, won't be standing at the next general election.
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame. He has always struck me as a very nice man with a very big heart. And I've always been relaxed about foreign subversives disrupting sports events in this country, because, after all, their personal obsessions most take precedence over the rights of Britons every time!
DeleteLiberal mugged by reality – shock
ReplyDeleteWriting in the Guardian today, Marina Hyde says:
The old my-enemy's-enemy-is-my-friend principle has tumbled down the rabbit hole and gone places that were simply inconceivable in what may well come to be regarded as the idyllically free years of Thatcher and Major. In the Blair era the high court judges, once the default punchline to numerous jokes, were suddenly the last line of principled defence against a government whose assault on ancient liberties was so unprecedentedly intense that, had they remained in power, there would by now literally be a law against locking your bathroom door. Then it was David Davis, a rightwing Tory who would not exactly have been to my tastes in days of yore, whose crusade against the erosion of liberties should mark him out as one of the political heroes of the age.
A TRAGEDY FOR THE NATION
ReplyDeleteJust like in dat book publish by RS Dangerfield
'Bout de Strange Death of Liberal Babylon in 1910
Tragedy has struck an' I n' I is starting fe to feel
Dat de exack same t'ing is likely gwan happen again.
What tragedy has befell dis party, dis beacon for righteousness an' troot
Dat shine de mighty light of Ja on inickw…inniqu…wrongness
An' stand up fe de rights of de bruddas and de yoot
An give discriminashun
Across de nashun
A good kicking' wid Ja's mighty left-leanin' boot?
Bruddas, dis Rasta gwan fe to say
Dat dis tragedy did start on de very day
Dat a carbon gas guzzlin' BMW speeded down de M 60 motoway
Wid de party spokesman on green issues Huhne at de wheel
Which was a t'ing him tried to conceal
From de Babylon when dem take him in for questioning
Cos him not want to face dat day of reckoning
When Ja would fe to hold him feet to his mighty fire
If ever it did transpire
Dat him force him wife to take de penalty points on her licence
An' after dat fe to take a vow of silence
So dat de investigator
Gwan be in a state of puzzlement as to whose was de actual foot on de accelerator.
While Huhne took up wid a strange lookin' lanky wimmin wid a fringe
Who seem to swing both ways at de same time
Altho' Bruddas dat is not a crime
Or a cause fe all de tabloid hysteria
Unless you happen to live in Nigeria.
An' ever since, all dis arguin' an' strife between Clegg an' Vince
Threaten to make mince
Meat of de party at de General Eleckshun
An' see dem fe to face rejeckshun
An' humiliashun and disintegrashun
Which is a pain,
Cos dis Rasta want to cast him vote fe de LibDems again
An' mek sure all me bitchas do de same.
So where does dis lead us, so I an' I would say?
Well Bruddas, to de court of justice in de case of Huhne an Vick
Altho' both of dem is now out of de nick.
But de damage is done, an' the A60 of shame point in jus' one direckshun
To de Newark by-eleckshun
Where de infeckshun
Of scandal
Reduce de turnout of de constituents who is wearing de straggly beards an' open-toe sandals
From a mighty river of Ja's righteous wrath
To a 1004 vote trickle of flummery an' froth
An a tragedy fe de Party to which I have plighted me troth
Becos it
Came sixth and lost its deposit.
An' t'ing.
Magical, Mr Zephyr, as ever. It is an open secret, of course, that Michael Gove wanted yours to be the only poetry studied at A-level. Anyone can see why. I understand that you had to talk him out of it.
ReplyDelete