Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Clegg and Cable share a morning pint - I, for one, am now utterly convinced that they're really good friends!

And there were we thinking that they were a pair of dead men walking who absolutely loathed each other! Now it turns out we were wrong, and that they're really great mates after all. Look, I'm normally a cynical sort of chap, but in this instance I see no reason to doubt that this was an entirely spontaneous decision. The fact that they shut down the pub so they could enjoy a bit of a chinwag - like old muckers do - is neither here nor there.

"Hey, Nick."

"Yes, Vince, you old rogue?"

"I normally pop down the boozer around this time of a the morning for a few pints of wallop and a bit of a giggle. Fancy joining me?"

"I was just thinking how much I - being a typical sort of bloke, just like that Nigel Farage -  wouldn't mind a skinfull to set me up nicely for the afternoon. So, yeah, I'm well up for it. Maybe we should rope in Mike Oakeshott and Chris Huhne and make an afternoon of it. God, how incredibly bloody normal we are!"

"That we are, pal, that we are."

I know they didn't do this for publicity purposes: nevertheless, it's bound to convince voters to let bygones be bygones and to return in droves to their vile, conscienceless, malodorous pustule of a political party.

"Oi, you two wankers - piss off. You're barred!"


  1. it beggars belief that they and their advisors embark on such hollow publicity stunts; they must hold the voting public in astonishingly low regard. Tossers.

  2. Don't judge them too harshly Riley. I think the plan is that every one who votes Lib Dem in the next election will be able to fit into a small pub for personal consultations with the leadership. Nick and Vinny were just checking out possible locations.

    An additional irony is that in the best traditions of a left of Labour, anti-capitalist party of principle, their mutual friend Oakeshott owns a number of similar pubs, including the one nestling in the corner of the elegant square where the wife of our esteemed Blogmeister spent her formative years. I do hope they don't try a similar stunt there. Things can get well edgy down here in Sarf London.

  3. Damien Thompson wrote sympathetically about the Lib Dems in the Telegraph this morning:

    "I’m not really the biggest fan of the Liberal Democrats. I don’t want to overstate my case, but they strike me as the most utterly loathsome mainstream political party to have emerged since the fall of the Roman Empire. They have no creed but opportunism, no modus operandi save fighting dirty on the doorstep and mutual backstabbing. This took a bit of time to sink in with the electorate but, following the comically Machiavellian manoeuvres of Lord Oakeshott and “Dr” Vince Cable, the penny has dropped. Put it this way. On Thursday night I had a beautiful dream that the Lib Dems had come sixth in a parliamentary by-election. And when I woke up… it was true!"

    Balanced, I thought.

  4. Sad to see that Peter Hain, that darling of the Putney Liberal Party when I grew up, won't be standing at the next general election.

    1. What a shame. He has always struck me as a very nice man with a very big heart. And I've always been relaxed about foreign subversives disrupting sports events in this country, because, after all, their personal obsessions most take precedence over the rights of Britons every time!

  5. Liberal mugged by reality – shock
    Writing in the Guardian today, Marina Hyde says:

    The old my-enemy's-enemy-is-my-friend principle has tumbled down the rabbit hole and gone places that were simply inconceivable in what may well come to be regarded as the idyllically free years of Thatcher and Major. In the Blair era the high court judges, once the default punchline to numerous jokes, were suddenly the last line of principled defence against a government whose assault on ancient liberties was so unprecedentedly intense that, had they remained in power, there would by now literally be a law against locking your bathroom door. Then it was David Davis, a rightwing Tory who would not exactly have been to my tastes in days of yore, whose crusade against the erosion of liberties should mark him out as one of the political heroes of the age.

  6. Benjamin Zephyr Zodiac8 June 2014 at 10:35


    Just like in dat book publish by RS Dangerfield
    'Bout de Strange Death of Liberal Babylon in 1910
    Tragedy has struck an' I n' I is starting fe to feel
    Dat de exack same t'ing is likely gwan happen again.

    What tragedy has befell dis party, dis beacon for righteousness an' troot
    Dat shine de mighty light of Ja on inickw…inniqu…wrongness
    An' stand up fe de rights of de bruddas and de yoot
    An give discriminashun
    Across de nashun
    A good kicking' wid Ja's mighty left-leanin' boot?

    Bruddas, dis Rasta gwan fe to say
    Dat dis tragedy did start on de very day
    Dat a carbon gas guzzlin' BMW speeded down de M 60 motoway
    Wid de party spokesman on green issues Huhne at de wheel
    Which was a t'ing him tried to conceal
    From de Babylon when dem take him in for questioning
    Cos him not want to face dat day of reckoning
    When Ja would fe to hold him feet to his mighty fire
    If ever it did transpire
    Dat him force him wife to take de penalty points on her licence
    An' after dat fe to take a vow of silence
    So dat de investigator
    Gwan be in a state of puzzlement as to whose was de actual foot on de accelerator.
    While Huhne took up wid a strange lookin' lanky wimmin wid a fringe
    Who seem to swing both ways at de same time
    Altho' Bruddas dat is not a crime
    Or a cause fe all de tabloid hysteria
    Unless you happen to live in Nigeria.

    An' ever since, all dis arguin' an' strife between Clegg an' Vince
    Threaten to make mince
    Meat of de party at de General Eleckshun
    An' see dem fe to face rejeckshun
    An' humiliashun and disintegrashun
    Which is a pain,
    Cos dis Rasta want to cast him vote fe de LibDems again
    An' mek sure all me bitchas do de same.

    So where does dis lead us, so I an' I would say?
    Well Bruddas, to de court of justice in de case of Huhne an Vick
    Altho' both of dem is now out of de nick.
    But de damage is done, an' the A60 of shame point in jus' one direckshun
    To de Newark by-eleckshun
    Where de infeckshun
    Of scandal
    Reduce de turnout of de constituents who is wearing de straggly beards an' open-toe sandals
    From a mighty river of Ja's righteous wrath
    To a 1004 vote trickle of flummery an' froth
    An a tragedy fe de Party to which I have plighted me troth
    Becos it
    Came sixth and lost its deposit.

    An' t'ing.

  7. Magical, Mr Zephyr, as ever. It is an open secret, of course, that Michael Gove wanted yours to be the only poetry studied at A-level. Anyone can see why. I understand that you had to talk him out of it.