Saturday, 13 August 2016

Thank God Nigel Farage didn't grow a 'tache during the referendum campaign - Remain might have won!

"Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!"
Beards have been a thing for several years now - they're everywhere. They're hip, cool, trendy, happening, now, zeitgeisty. But...

...solo moustaches? Not so much. It's been a long time since Tom Selleck looked ever-so-manly in Magnum P.I.  Very few men since then have been able to carry off a moustache with aplomb - here's the evidence:

The "Bitchy Airline Steward" special
"Oh mate - now you're just embarrassing the whole team"
"...and you're embarrassing the whole of Australia!"
Rubbish...but not as rubbish as the next one:
Justin Bieber, I'm told. Still, he's young - unlike:
One that covered his whole wreck of a face might work
Any relevant remark might be construed as a hate crime - wowsers!
At least he had an excuse, being in character and all

It took me a few minutes to realise who Farage's new (and, one hopes, temporary) look reminded me of. And then I got it:

I'd still happily vote for the former UKIP leader... but I wouldn't buy a car off him, not looking like that.


  1. Good Grief! That moustache belongs in the domain of the dodgy car dealer, as you imply.

  2. I used to rather like a tache as a younger chap and have grown several down the years. I fancied that I looked a little like a latter day Flynn or Gable but alas historic photos prove otherwise. I looked like an utter pillock!

    One of my efforts I even waxed the tips and curled it, Poirot style, making me look an even bigger plonker.
    But I was young at the time and impressionable.
    Nigel, you've no excuse. Shave the darned thing off.

  3. Or perhaps the next leader of UKIP will be the one who can successfully pull the thing off Farage's face with one tug - a sort of modern-day version of the sword and the stone.

    I'm not against all solo moustaches - some faces benefit from them (Burt Reynolds and the above-mentioned Tom Selleck, for instance - and Jeremy Bowen should be made to wear a false one if he refuses to regrow an actual one). It never occurred to me to wear a moustache all on its own, mainly because when I started sporting a beard and moustache I was 23, the moustache was still a tad Justin Bieberish, and the reason for allowing my facial hair to grow was because, having avoided acne in my teens, I was unexpectedly afflicted by it in my early twenties and shaving became a problem for a few months.

    Is there any man over the age of, say, 30 who doesn't look back on some of their previous moustache, beard and hair-style choices with a shudder, Mr. Milton? I haven't shaved in 40 years - and now I'd be terrified of finding out what I really look like!