Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Leonardo DiCaprio raped by a bear - the first step in Hollywood liberals' struggle for inter-species marriage?

The new movie 'REVENANT' features a shocking scene of a wild bear raping Leo DiCaprio! 
The explicit moment from Oscar winning director Alejandro Inarritu has caused maximum controversy in early screenings. Some in the audience escaped to the exits when the Wolf of Wall Street met the Grizzly of Yellowstone. 
The story of rural survivalism and revenge reaches new violent levels for a mainstream film. 
The bear flips Leo over and thrusts and thrusts during the explicit mauling.

Brings tears to one's eyes, doesn't it? The story of DiCaprio's unwelcome (we assume) ursine ordeal is running on The Drudge Report website (here), so it must be true.  I suppose we should be grateful that Leonardo DiCaprio's character doesn't rape a bear, because that would no doubt result in human-hating Animal Rights nutters stridently picketing cinemas across the free world, and DiCaprio having to apologise on talk shows and being photographed out on dates with various animals.

Given leftist film-makers' seeming obsession with forcing their ultra-liberal mores on the rest of society, I wouldn't be in the least surprised if the sequel featured DiCaprio falling in love with a testosterone-charged grizzly in the wilderness, Brokeback Mountain-style, only for small-minded, fuddy-duddy bourgeois society to reject the pair's perfectly natural urgings. (Although, come to think of it, that hibernation stuff might slow the story down - maybe they could make it a caribou or a lynx. Anyway, something that doesn't sleep for seven months of the year.)

Or perhaps the bear in the Revenant symbolises a certain type of homosexual. I remember an internet designer who worked at the BBC explaining that he was a bit tired because he'd spent the weekend "building a bear site." When further questioned, he admitted that this was in fact a pornographic website. "You mean some people are sexually attracted to bears?" I asked. "No," said an Australian lesbian who was also part of the team. "He's talking about people like you." "But I don't fancy bears," I objected. "No - you are a bear. A 'bear'  is a big, hairy bloke - you're a classic 'bear'."

I was slightly hurt by the fact that - despite my evident suitability for the role - I was never asked to be PlayBear of the Month.


  1. PlayBear of the Month. Former holders of the title include Giant Haystacks, Grizzly Adams and Demis Roussos [ his signature song was "My Friend the Wind"]. Stiff competition - unfortunate phrase given Mr Di Caprio's experience in his last film.

  2. "My friend the Wind-Eze" judging by the expression on Demis's face when he hit those high notes.