Friday, 20 December 2013

Do you think I should give unlucky Graham a "fruitful reply" to his email?

I found this in my inbox this morning:

 I feel terrible disturbing you with this but I don't have any other option.  I had to travel to Kiev UKRAINE with my cousin  for a program, which was successful, but  unfortunately for Us we had an accident on our way to the airport and before i got up from the shock, I found my self on the hospital bed injured in the leg mean while my cousin died at the scene of the accident.
 I lost all my valuables including cash,cell phones even my traveling documents were destroyed at the scene of the accident. Please i really need your assistance for me to go to the embassy and also to the airline office so i can start processing a new flight ticket to get the corpse home . Let me know if you can lend me  (£2,130 pounds) or any amount of Money you can afford to sort myself with. I will remit your money immediately i get home , Waiting for a fruitful reply from you. 

It's obvious that Graham is an educated Englishman, and one does hate to leave such an evidently decent cove in the lurch, what with him being injured in the leg and with his cousin's "corpse" on his hands - especially in UKRAINE, which is undergoing some political upheavals at the moment. I have no doubt that he would "remit" the loan as soon as he got back to Ascot or Godalming, or wherever he lives. But, then, it's a lot money and if Graham were to be involved in another - possibly fatal - accident between Heathrow and The Old Rectory, I doubt I'd be able to reclaim it. Hmm.

Any advice?


  1. Send me the money...I'll make sure he gets it.

  2. I'm sure there's a flaw in your plan, e.f., but I'm damned if I can figure out what it might be - so there's a cheque for £2,130 in the post. Say Hi to "Graham" for me

  3. Might I suggest that you put poor Graham in touch with your correspondent Mr Shawn Stathon, who while commenting on Child Pop Acts has offered your followers some valuable advice on pay day loans. His financial acumen could be just what Graham needs to get out of his Ukrainian hell, while saving E.F. Bartlam the trouble of passing on your cheque.

    1. Too late to cock block now...the checks already on it's way.


    2. You'll both be pleased to hear that I have contacted the extremely insistent Shawn Strathon directly in order to borrow the money to cover the cheque I sent to e.f. bartlam to forward to Graham. I phoned our former Prime Minister and Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown to check that this all made sense and he assured me that this type of financial arrangement worked well for him when he was in power - in fact, Shawn Stratton was one of his chief advisers at the Treasury.