Saturday, 27 October 2012

Is Joe Biden mad – or is he just a horrible human being?

So your immensely brave US Navy SEAL son has been killed in Benghazi by evil Stone Age death cultists, while trying to protect the life of an American ambassador. At an event to mark the return of your boy’s body, the Vice-President of America approaches you, and, in a loud and boisterous voice, asks: “Did your son always have balls the size of cue balls?”

My congratulations to Charles Woods on his self-control: the temptation to deck the unbelievably crude, stupid, insensitive sonofabitch must have been overwhelming.

Here’s Mr Wood’s account of the ghastly incident:

Of course, Joe Biden has form. Lots of it. Mountains of the stuff. In fact, as far as I can tell, he makes a total arse of himself practically every time he opens his mouth. I had assumed he simply lacked any kind of emotional intelligence, or that he was an alcoholic or dope fiend who let his mouth run away with him when he was under the influence. After all, what else could account for a senior American statesman telling a mostly black audience that the Republicans were “gonna put y’all back in chains”? Surely you’d have to be bombed out of your gourd or as high as a weather baloon to come up with something that ridiculous and insulting? Or to claim that you had to have a slight Indian accent to visit a 7-11? Or to “promise” your audience that the first African-American president “has a big stick”? Or to invite a wheelchair-bound senator to “Stand up, Chuck!” Or to imagine that “jobs” is a three-letter word? Or to crudely mimic an Indian accent when complaining about call centres moving overseas? Or to talk about FDR appearing on television when the stock market crashed?

But when I saw this awful man gurning and huffing and twitching his way through the vice-presidential debate with Paul Ryan, it was hard not conclude that he was, in fact, utterly bonkers – I mean, even cross-eyed on methamphetamine wouldn’t behave that weirdly.

When Richard Nixon chose Spiro Agnew as his vice-presidential running mate, Private Eye ran a cover which suggested one possible reason for the choice. One can only assume that Obama was thinking along the same lines. Or maybe he just figured having a cretinous clown in tow would make him appear statesmanlike in comparison.

Before I’m taken to task for criticising an American politician, let me make it perfectly clear that I’m perfectly relaxed about any American who feels like it attacking our Britain’s Deputy Prime Minister. His name’s Nick Clegg, and he is a bumhole too - but not, as far as one can tell, mad.


  1. I've just read Mark Steyn on Biden's bizarre comments to Charles Woods:

    "Just about the only formal responsibility a vice president has is to attend funerals without embarrassing his country. And this preening buffoon of pseudo-blue-collar faux-machismo couldn’t even manage that."

    Spot on.

  2. When I first heard about this I did not believe it given the fact that Americans revere their military and any criticism or inadvertent remark aimed in their direction is political suicide [unlike in Britain. Remember Peter Mandelson's jibe about the Coldstream Guards when he was NI Secretary : "They are a bunch of chinless wonders."]

    It is a disgraceful episode and I do not wish particularly to introduce a note of levity by recalling Dan Quayle [VP 1989-1993]. It was strongly rumoured that he was constantly tailed by the CIA who had standing instructions to "terminate" him in the event that something should happen to GHW Bush. His Bidenesque gaffes were numerous. Do you remember this one:

    "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

    How do these clowns get themselves into these positions?

    1. Agreed about Mr Potatoe-Head, Dan Quayle - but lest we should be tempted to cast the first stone across the Atlantic, we cast the first stone, let us not forget that John Prescott was this country's deputy prime minister for ten years. TEN YEARS!!!! Also, as far as I remember, the sheer depths of Quayle's incompetence and stupidity only became truly apparent after Bush picked him - Joe Biden was a known quantity when Obama picked him to bring out the white blue-collar Democratic vote (at least, I presume that's what it was all about - I can't think of any other reason to choose a proven nincompoop as one's running-mate.)

  3. What an uninspiring choice for US voters. It's not as if there's a completely bonkers party over there that you can vote for as a protest. Legendary guitar genius Joe Walsh ran for US President some years ago. I think he'd probably get my vote on the basis that he's the only candidate on either ticket who has achieved something of lasting quality in his chosen profession, so there'd be an outside chance of what management consultants call 'skills transfer'.

    Other than that, as good as any basis is to vote for whichever candidate doesn't do that American politicians' thing of pointing to an imaginary person in the crowd as they take the stage, and faking astonished recognition.

    1. I don't know about quality, but at least Romney made a shedload of dosh outside politics, while Obama's only achievement seems to have been to ride the Affirmative Action/White Guilt/identity Politics gravy train to glory throughout his adult life.

      Agreed about the pointing thing (I mentioned it in my list of 30 things to ban, but confined it to rock stars, I seem to remember). I always imagine the arbitrary pointee checking behind them to see who the twat on stage has singled out. On that count, I think Obama is guiltier than Romney, but I may be ever so slightly prejudiced (politically, not racially, of course - I don't want to be suspended from watching Sky Sports by the FA after a lengthy hearing).

  4. John Prescott is a saint. Uxorious, coherent, articulate.Just the right qualities for an effective police commissioner. Morale in the force will soar once he is elected.

    1. I'm looking forward to the advert for the commissioner's Diary Secretary.