Tuesday, 6 September 2011

For God's sake! Could the Bishop of Oxford please grow a pair!

I try not to listen to Church of England bishops when they’re interviewed by the media, because it always makes me wonder how, in the name of Christ, I can go on being a member of the same church as these dripping-wet, spineless, pantywaist milquetoasts. 

To hear an example of what I’m talking about, please visit this page and listen to John Pritchard, who is apparently the Bishop of Oxford, and who, while he may believe in a Christian God, certainly wouldn’t want to actually try convincing the members of any other religion, let alone unbelievers, that Christianity might be, you know, true, or anything like that - that would be frightfully judgmental and, besides, it might scare away Muslim children from Church of England schools, and he’s jolly proud that in some C of E schools there aren’t any Christian pupils at all! Because, you see, religion, in a very real sense, is just about thinking about deep things in a quiet sort of way and singing and stuff - nice if Jesus gets a look-in, obviously, but, you know, it’s not vital, especially not when we live in such a vibrant, rioting, multicultural society.

Until this morning, I hadn’t realised that schools were still required to provide pupils with opportunities for a daily act of Christian worship.Hurrah! But of course not only do our multicultist, white flag-waving teachers not want to insist on it - even the bloody Bishop of Oxford wouldn’t want to enforce the practice!!! How does this anemic human jelly manage to stand upright? Or does he just ooze from place to place, leaving a slimy trail of politically correct platitudes in his wake?

Oh Lord, when did we become so unbelievably, drippingly, spastically wet? How did we end up with clerics who don’t actually want to spread The Word? When did we lose the confidence to stand up for our beliefs and our way of life? Why should the rest of be expected to make an effort to believe in a Christian God when flabby invertebrates like the Bishop of Oxford doesn’t think it matters all that much?

Having Muslim pupils in a C of E school is, I think, a good idea. But 100%? That is deranged!

But the really burning issue is, why is the Bishop of Oxford a bishop if he has no interest whatsoever in converting anyone to Christianity? 

No wonder the fastest-growing religions in the world are Islam and Evangelical Christianity, and that Anglicanism is sliding inexorably down the pan. Whatever you might think of the first two, their leaders actually believe their religions are, solely, true.

The Church of England and the Tory Party have a lot in common - the people who lead them are only interested in managing decline, and they seem to share absolutely none of the beliefs of the poor souls who follow them.

Having gone off on one, let me leave you with something more uplifting - Alan Bennett’s wonderful “Take a Pew” sketch from Beyond the Fringe.Never forget - “But my brother Esau is an hairy man. But I am a smooth man.”


  1. In my wrath I forgot to mention Peter Hitchens's sensible approach that, as far as he's concerned, the Anglican Church is the Book of Common prayer and the King James Bible - he says this allows him to ignore its ridiculous temporal "leaders".
    Wednesday, September 7, 2011 - 10:46 AM

  2. "The men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to the Heaven." [1 Samuel 5:12].

    This is the only reference in the Bible to hemorrhoids. But these come in more than pairs. Yes, these people are a true pain in the arse. Perhaps they desist from spreading the Word because, for example, as far as Muslims are concerned apostasy carries dire consequences.
    Monday, September 12, 2011 - 10:05 PM

  3. Au contraire, Proctologist – there are seven other attacks of the old Farmer Giles in the Bible. There are persistent flare-ups in Samuel, which you quoted from:

    1 Samuel 6:11 And they laid the ark of the LORD upon the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their emerods.

    Deuteronomy 28:27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.

    1 Samuel 6:1 And these are the golden emerods which the Philistines returned for a trespass offering unto the LORD; for Ashdod one, for Gaza one, for Askelon one, for Gath one, for Ekron one;

    1 Samuel 5:6 But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.

    1 Samuel 5:9 And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.

    1 Samuel 6:4 Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.

    1 Samuel 6:5 Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods, and images of your mice that mar the land; and ye shall give glory unto the God of Israel: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land.
    Friday, September 16, 2011 - 11:37 AM