Friday, 23 February 2018

Cressida Dick's brilliant idea for stopping stabbing in London...

Wow! Thank God for some fresh thinking...

...from the Met Police Commissioner! I wonder why nobody else has proposed this? 

I have one or two little questions, though. How will this "coming together" manifest itself - i.e. how will we know that we've truly come together? And how exactly will saying (or thinking, chanting, singing or yodelling) "This cannot continue!" actually stop "this" from, you know, continuing? If a million Londoners made their way to, say, Hyde Park and all shouted "We have come together - and this cannot continue!" really, really loudly - would that stop young blacks from stabbing each other to death? What if you, Theresa May, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Jeremy (I Condemn All Acts of Violence) Corbyn and Stormzy (whoever the fuck he is) were to attend the rally and appeared onstage, holding hands and looking terribly concerned while possibly singing "We Shall Overcome" or "Free Nelson Mandela" of "Smack My Bitch Up" - would that, d'you think, shock young ethnic Londoners into renouncing violence and handing their knives in at the local police station? 

Or, given that the vast majority of Londoners already agree that stabbing should, on the whole, be discouraged, and that the young males doing the stabbing are probably aware of that fact, would it be more useful if someone were to establish a force of some kind whose role would be to prevent crime by asking around to identify those most likely to be carrying knives and those who are suspected of stabbing others, with a view to searching, detaining and questioning them? Who would you appoint to this force, you ask? Well, what about those people you have trawling the internet trying to identify nasty types who use inappropriate language, because most people couldn't give a toss about that, while most people are genuinely horrified by knife crime. 

That's all right, miss - glad to have put you on the right track. Mind how you go, and remember - don't have nightmares! What's that you say? Well, yes, it is a bit dangerous out there. Would you like me to walk you to your door?...Not at all - happy to be of service.


  1. Can't argue with that heh heh

  2. Dick Cressida is a trustworthy name.