Thursday, 2 March 2017

Wow. Samuel L. Jackson's got an absolute WHOPPER! We have photographic evidence!

While the famous actor certainly boasts one of the biggest I've ever seen, a close friend of mine has one of the tiniest I've ever encountered - it's so small, I'm surprised he can get any satisfaction out of it. I come somewhere in the middle - it's small enough to get out while I'm walking down the street without attracting attention, but large enough to provide several hours of extreme pleasure. But my friend will have the last laugh - as of this May, new EU rules will mean mine and Sam's will be illegal, while my chum can keep producing his tiddler without fear of breaking the law. For those of you who aren't easily shocked, here's Samuel Jackson's proudly displaying his absolute monster:

Okay - seriously jealous. I'm guessing there's room for at least 10ml of ejuice in that tank (enouygh to see most vapers through the day) - and, by the looks of it, a battery designed to last at least as long before requiring a recharge. The best I can do is a 5ml tank and a battery that lasts for up to eight hours if I'm not absolutely caning it. My friend tends to prefer 1ml tanks - he's prepared to put up with the mockery their appearance attracts from brutes like me purely because he's found one which, thanks to the coil that comes with it, produces a better flavour than any of the larger devices he owns. I can understand this, because I've found that the rather expensive cotton-wick coils which I use with the two 2.5ml JacVapour tanks I own make the various fruit, liquorice and coconut-flavoured ejuices I favour taste delicious - whereas the coil in my big Aspire Nautilus tank is better with richer, creamier custard and vanilla-flavoured juices. You pays your money... etc.

At least, you used to be able to pay your money...etc. As from May, no retailer will be allowed to sell any tank with a capacity greater than 2ml. This means that it will be illegal for any European purveyor of vaping equipment to supply me with like-for-like replacement tanks for any of the four I currently use - two 2.5ml, one 3.5ml, and one 5ml. (Fortunately, coils for all my devices will still be legally available.) It will also be illegal to sell eliquids or the flavour concentrates I use to concoct my own ejuice at home in 30ml bottles - 10ml is the new maximum size. Manufacturers' prices have already started to shoot up as a direct result of this stupid, footling, pointless, irrational, idiotic, mean-spirited, half-witted, costly, ignorant, pettyfogging directive, dreamt up by joyless, overpaid, interfering, dickless bureaucrats and sundry vindictive, puritanical health Nazis. God, I am so damned delighted we are escaping the clutches of this despicable, pestilential, alien organisation and the ghastly, self-important, creepy troughers who "work" for it. 

Deep breaths.

As a 64-year old conservative, I prefer - as with my clothes - unshowy devices which don't draw attention to themselves or to me. But not everyone feels the same way, and, were I younger, I might be tempted by one of these flashier numbers - especially as the very sight of them would probably give any EU bureaucrat an epileptic seizure:
But, for a variety of reasons,  I really wouldn't recommend walking down the street sucking on one of these!


  1. As the years progress it is very difficult to tell Samuel L. Jackson and Dr. John Sentamu apart. The trick is to spot the diastema [the actor has had his filled in? Just as long as the beautiful Lorraine Pascal does not do the same...].

    1. Don't worry - the alluring gap between Miss Pascale's front teeth was still there the last time I checked. As the American writer James Salter remarked: "There is no real beauty without some slight imperfection."

  2. Replies
    1. I've been using that line all my life!

      Are you now the proud owner of a Goliath? Are you rewicking your coils (you'll go blind)? And why does it have to be sub-sodding-ohm? I mean, who wants a terrible fug?

    2. No I am not the proud owner of a Goliath, I don't know about you but I find the liquid dribbles out prematurely with these big tanks, leaving a sticky mess all over the place. The agony aunts are no help. I did try to re-wick a coil once. In the interests of science. Not my métier. I agree, no to sub-ohm.

    3. The problem of waking up to discover your equipment covered in juice is usually the fault of a dodgy coil - I reckon at least one in five don't work, even when the coils aren't fakes (in which case, the damned things either don't work at at all or give up the ghost after a day or two). I've found that closing the air-hole while filling the tank improves matters, as does washing the base unit (the bit you screw the coil into) every few weeks to get rid of grunge. Finally, as I discovered yesterday, if your juice is dense and sweet and high-VG, it's best to whack it up a couple of watts for the first few puffs, before turning it back down again. One day this will all be easy. Maybe.