“Sir, Mr Grey, sir, please, sir,” says my secretary, blushing so furiously in my presence that all her clothes fall off. “There’s a young lady waiting in the corridor to see you, your honour. Says she’s a student from the university come to interview you for the undergraduate newspaper, your lordship.”
“What’s her name?” I ask incisively.
“Virginia Nubile, your highness.”
“Very well, Miss Blonde,” I say, casually impregnating her while devising a cure for polio, winning the French Open and completing a $49zillion takeover of Latin America. “Send the poor girl in.”
You can read the whole of Michael Deacon's miniature masterpiece of parody on the Telegraph website, here. This will save you the bother of actually reading the book or seeing the film. Readers might like to remind themselves of Deacon's brilliant 2013 Dan Brown parody here.
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