Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Scoundrel Time - the past fortnight has produced a bumper harvest of jaw-droppingly brazen hypocrisy

An Independent Police Complaints Commission report has accused three police officers of lying about what was said in a meeting about the Plebgate row with the former Tory minister, Andrew Mitchell – and their three police forces have refused to take disciplinary action, saying they were guilty of nothing worse than poor judgment. (“Members of the Jury, my client readily admits to killing six people with malice aforethought, but I'm sure we can all agree that he has in fact been guilty of nothing worse than poor judgment - if that!")

Greenpeace tried to prevent the Russians from drilling in the Arctic by attempting to board an oil-drilling platform – and then burst into tears when the Ivans (quite rightly)  arrested the silly sods for piracy.

Labour's “snoring, boring” Rachel Reeve has assured us her party plans to be tougher than the Tories on welfare – yes, that would be the Labour Party who, having spent all our money, ran up a humungous national bill by borrowing squillions of pounds to pass on to welfare recipients on the understanding that their votes could be counted on in perpetuity.

Madonna showed herself to be an arrogant, inconsiderate blister by texting throughout a film (she has now been banned by the cinema chain) – and then accused one of the non-multi-millionaire-superstars who asked her to desist of being an “enslaver”!

The Tories, aware of UKIP breathing down their necks, assure us that they’re going to get medieval with illegal immigrants – not by improving the effectiveness of the useless border force we all pay for, but by placing the burden on the shoulders of private sector landlords!

The whole world knows that the Obamacare website doesn’t work because it was badly designed by the company which the US government hired (without bothering to organise a competitive tendering process) to build it – but the Prez is now lying through his teeth, as usual, claiming the reason it doesn’t work is that too many people want to use it. See? Obamacare is just too damned popular!

Faced with a shut-down, the US government has targetted the good patriotic stuff that matters to Republicans – while ring-fencing all the crap beloved by liberals.

Alastair Campbell has taken the moral high ground over the Daily Mail’s attack on Ed Miliband’s dad – yes, that Alastair Campbell. The moral high ground! Imagine!

Ed Miliband exploited his father’s memory in numerous speeches by telling us how he inherited his values from dear old pops (brings out onion, mops tears from face) – and then wouldn't stop whining once the Mail pointed out that dad was a Marxist who promoted violent revolution in the country which had been generous enough to offer him safe haven from the Nazis.

The Coalition has been sucking up to middle-class voters by promising us we won’t have to sell our homes to fund our own health care in old age – but has now revealed that this supposedly universal policy only applies to those of us feckless enough not to have savings of more than £23,000.

Nick Clegg has just told us that cutting Green taxes will lead to our energy bills going up – and he managed to do it with a straight face! 

Pass the sick-bag, Alice! 


  1. Would you consider adding Stephen Fry to your list?

    The BBC has spent a large sum of money sending one of their favourite sons to Africa, Brazil and God knows where else to rail at the treatment of homosexuals. Last week I watched the sweating and sleazy-looking polymath railing at some unfortunate African politician [do you remember General Melchett's contrived indignation when he discovered that Blackadder had killed and eaten Speckled Jim? This was just about on the same level. ] What gives Fry the right to lecture other countries about their domestic injustices when there is so much unresolved crap in his own country? The Mrs Jellyby "de nos jours" [a typical Fry phrase] in some ways.

    To-night he tries to work up an artificial outrage apparantly against the mayor of St Petersburg [as he demonstrated in "Oscar", Fry is a very bad dramatic actor]. Well, the Russkies know how to deal with cross-border interference and Fry could do worse than be put on the Gulag Diet.

    I note Tehran and Kabul are not on his travel schedule. They persecute homosexuals as well.

  2. I expect the BBC - being an equal oportunities employer - will be hiring a homophobe to do a two-part programme where they travel to liberal countries at our expense in order to shout at fat, smug homosexuals.

    The thing about Fry that makes me want to vomit (well, one of the things) is his disgusting habit of inviting us to laugh at paedophilia. This is the thigh-slappingly limerick he read out on QI earlier this year: "There was a young chaplain from King's, Who talked about God and such things, But his real desire, Was a boy in the choir, With a bottom like jelly on springs." Back in 2006, Tom Utley wrote this about Fry in the Telegraph: "You may think from that last sentence that I don't much like Mr Fry, but that is not quite true. I did go through a phase of loathing him, when he stood up at another awards ceremony a few years ago, with an Aids-awareness ribbon in his lapel, and cracked a joke about "freshly buttered choirboys".'

    Can you imagine a heterosexual being allowed to get away with such offensive 'joke" about little girls?