Sunday, 2 December 2012

Reaction to Leveson, Libdem and BNP disasters, UKIP success, Morsi, Cyril Smith, Julian Assange…

…England’s test match victory against India, the England rugby team's first win against the All Blacks for nine years, Cyril Smith revealed as a disgusting pervert, still four episodes of The Killing III to go, and, here in London at least,  an astonishingly beautiful, chilly, sunny Advent Sunday (New Year’s Day for the Church, for you heathens) – the sort of sparkling day when it is simply impossible to be in a bad mood. All in all, it's been a spectacularly good week.

First, David Cameron's measured reaction to Leveson has revealed that he still has some conservative principles left, while Ed Miliband’s demand for every recommendation in the judge’s 2,000 page report to be implemented before the silly little twit could possibly have read even a fraction of it confirmed what any sensible person had already figured out – Miliband is a naïve, shallow, over-excitable, unprincipled, intellectually-undistinguished nincompoop.

The Libdems’ three disastrous by-election results confirmed what we’d all been hoping – that this horrible, nasty, smug, self-important party is utterly and completely dead in the water. It’s kaput. Over. Finished.  Byeee!

Meanwhile, UKIP – which, unless Cameron and Osborne are defenestrated and replaced by Boris Johnson and Michael Gove well before 2015, I would be only too happy to vote for – has become the natural home of the protest-voter fed up with the blithe, insufferably smug high-handedness of a political class so divorced from the rest of us, it might as well ditch elections altogether and institute a “buggin’s turn” system of choosing the next government (if, indeed, such an arrangement isn’t already in place). My two favourite British politicians of the 1980s were Margaret Thatcher and Norman Tebbit – both of whom were up from the ranks, and both of whom had to go in by the door marked “push” rather the door marked “pull”. In case anyone is in any doubt, UKIP is their party – a party filled with frightful oiks forced to buy rather than inherit their furniture. Good!

To make it even worse for Francis Maude’s exciting new Tory-Lite party, UKIP give every indication of appealing to aspirational working and lower-middle class voters in the North who are thoroughly disillusioned with Labour but nauseated by the thought of voting for dislikeable, patronising posh boys like Cameron and Clegg.

I first heard the rumours about Cyril Smith, professional Northerner and boorish lard bucket of a Liberal MP, 32 years ago, from a journalist at a dinner party in the Barbican. Never could stand the fat git, and I’m delighted that this mountainous mountebank has finally been exposed for the disgusting, child-abusing pervert he was. Is it my imagination, or are Liberal MPs proportionately even more sexually incontinent than those from other major parties (not that the Libdems are major nowadays, obviously)? Or is it just that the sex scandals in which they’ve been involved are on average more rebarbatively sordid than those involving Conservatives or Labourites?

As for President Morsi of Egypt – well, who’d have thought that an Arab leader would attempt to subvert his country’s democratic system? I expect you were just as shocked as I was. Who’d have thought? 

And, as if this country’s year of sporting glory could possibly get any better, an inexperienced England Rugby team brings the mighty All Blacks’ 20-game run of victories to a halt at Twickers – and an England cricket team that was expected to lose all four of its test matches against India levels the series by out-batting and, astonishingly, out-spinning their opponents.

Just to make this a pretty nigh perfect sporting week, that ungrateful, delusional stinker Roman Abramovich’s decision to sack a popular manager who this year delivered the oligarch the one trophy he had always craved has resulted in two out of a possible nine points from Chelsea's last three matches – including a sickening 3-1 defeat by West Ham yesterday. As for Abramovich’s other obsession - Fernando “The Snail” Torres, in the whole history of sport, can £50 million ever have been worse spent? Poor bugger looks like he’s suffering from shell-shock.

And then there are those rumours about poor Julian Assange’s health. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.


  1. You've failed to mention that the Alabama Crimson Tide won it's gobsmacking 25th SEC Championship this weekend in a fantastic game against the Georgia Bulldogs (white English).

  2. Damn - I knew something really major had slipped my mind! Apologies.

    That Amari Cooper - phew!

    Good luck against Notre Dame.

    1. You saw that catch he made then...he's a beast.

      Just so you know I started the day by watching West Ham v Chelsea...til Chelsea went up 2-1. #$#@

    2. But West Ham ended up winning. This cheered me up. Unfortunately, Chelsea beat Sunderland today and Torres has started scoring goals again. That doesn't cheer me up at all.