Friday, 16 November 2012

If I’m ever in trouble, I want Lord McAlpine’s avenging angel solicitor Andrew Reid in my corner

Andrew Reid is a well-fed, almost cuddly-looking chap who, whatever he’s saying, comes across as sweetly reasonable in a “more in sorrow than in anger” sort of way. I suspect that’s what makes him sound so fantastically threatening and sinister, a bit like George Smiley with all the evidence in his possession needed to nail the mole.

For instance, which miscreant wouldn’t break down and confess upon hearing the following:
“We have been watching people who have been taking down what they put up on Twitter. What they don’t seem to understand is that is that once it’s there you can’t take it down. And, what’s more, we already have all the information. Let it be a lesson to everybody that trial by Twitter or trial by the internet is a very nasty way of hurting people unnecessarily and it will cost people a lot of money.”
Bet that loosened a few bowels.

Mr Reid, speaking on yesterday’s World at One, appealed to those who had tweated his client’s name to come forward and confess. “Some of them are well known. I would say Mrs Bercow would be one.” Then he adds, chillingly: “She hasn’t been in touch.”


Not shouted or barked or spat out, but purred in a rather sad, slightly weary tone that suggests the fate of the person mentioned is already decided. It reminded me irresistibly of that scene in The Godfather where the newly en-Donned Michael Corleone quietly persuades his brother-in-law Carlo Rizzi to confess his involvement in Sonny’s murder. I can't find a video of the scene, so this mesmerising audio clip will have to suffice:

This blog wishes Sally Bercow the very best of luck.


  1. You are quite right about Mr. Reid. When I listened to his chilling words I came over all peculiar. Imagine sitting in your hall-way in the cold waiting for his letter to arrive.

    The Bercow woman. See Godfather II when Fredo's wife goes out of control on the dance-floor [Heavy to Fredo: "Michael says you gotta control your wife otherwise I've gotta take care of it." Swift exit of unspeakable wife]. Doesn't the Speaker have a whole bunch of heavies like Black Rod to take care of this kind of thing?

    Or perhaps she has Ava Gardner problems? Remember what the beautiful Ava said when she was asked why she had decided to leave Mickey Rooney? It is unfortunately too crude to repeat here.

    1. I insist that you immediately email me regarding Ava Gardner's reasons for leaving Mickey Rooney. What he said about their sex life certainly belongs in the drawer marked "way too much information".

  2. I listened to Mr Andrew Reid again on the "World at One" to-day. He is a very scarey individual.Sally Bercow - you are going down. And the rest of the chattering nincom-poops. Wonderful.