So now we know – the Olympics opening ceremony will be stuffed with left-wing bullshit

Danny Boyle, the film director in charge of kicking off the Olympics has evidently decided to use the £27 million ceremony as a means of representing Britain’s history through the distorting lens of left-liberal prejudice. How bloody nauseating.

The much-hyped depiction of a “green and pleasant land” will give way to a searing indictment of the history of the historical struggle of the working classes (witht a short “a”) and Wimmin. I presume the transformation of the British countryside into a bleak industrial landscape will reveal the former to be a chocolate-box fantasy vision fostered by Tory-voting Middle England. The Jarrow Marchers will be commemorated. Look, only 200 of the buggers could be arsed to make the effort, and Britain’s non-Keynesian response to the Depression was a roaring success compared to FDR’s New Deal – the idea that workless Britons starved in their millions in the 1930s while capitalist fat-cats behaved like modern bankers is a persistent and hugely successful left-wing lie. (Perhaps Boyle should balance this section of the ceremony with one showing tens of thousands of present-day Geordies lounging around in bed till midday and then spending the rest of it gambling, smoking and getting pissed out of their heads at the expense of middle-class tax-payers.)

As for the Suffragettes – fine, as long as it’s a celebration of this country’s superb record on human rights and fairness and tolerance. (A reference to the fact that most Islamic countries to this day treat women in a barbaric fashion - and that the Chinese regularly abort female foetuses - would be welcome.)  Similarly, the plan to depict the arrival of the first boatload of West Indian immigrants in 1948 might usefully be balanced with an interlude depicting black gang members knifing and shooting each other in vibrant modern London.

Apparently the glory that is the NHS is to be celebrated by having real nurses pushing beds around the arena. Perhaps the beds should be occupied by real geriatric patients dying of malnutrition and dehydration while lying in a pool of their own waste thanks to the standard of care they now routinely recieve. Or perhaps the beds should be full of smiling foreigners being treated at the expense of British taxpayers? (And why exactly are we celebrating the NHS as a peculiarly British institution? I’m sure there are dozens of other countries which provide much better health care at a much lower cost – won’t they feel a little insulted by the suggestion that Britain somehow leads the way?)

The “History Parade” will also feature a modern female urban dance group and BMX bikers. One’s heart plummets.

The only elements of this farrago of patronising propagandist nonsense I don’t find thoroughly objectionable are the planned reference to Sgt Pepper’s Lonely hearts Club Band, and having Paul McCartney finish things off with a rendition of “Hey Jude” (although I hope his voice is in better nick than it was for the Royal Jubilee concert).

Of course, this is only a partial list, so I’m hoping that Boyle has managed to find room to include Britain’s marvellous naval tradition; its history as a trading nation; the Empire; Nelson; Churchill; Britain’s role in World War II; the invention of modern democracy; the Industrial Revolution as a positive force; a history of great British inventions and scientific breakthroughs that changed the world; Shakespeare and Dickens; the longest-surviving monarchy in the world – still going strong … the list of things that are peculiarly, wonderfully British, and that the rest of the civilised world associates with this country is almost endless.

But I doubt if there’ll be room for any of that boring stuff, because it just doesn't fit the standard left-wing victimhood narrative.

I just hope there’s something decent on the other side.