As the “Books of the Year” season is upon us, here’s a handy “print ‘n’ keep” guide to the critical terms reviewers now regularly use – and what they really mean.
Brave
The author has practiced some filthy perversion for years and now wants us to applaud them for being perverts.
Subversive
An attack on monarchy, religion, patriotism, taste, decency, respect, courtesy, emotional restraint and anything else that the author’s fellow trendsters have spent the last 50 years destroying.
Iconoclastic
Same as “subversive”, but written in a really grumpy tone.
Challenging
The author’s opinions are the same as mine, but the book is an absolute crasher.
Dangerous
Vaguely irritating.
Delicious
The reviewer likes being slapped around. Otherwise they wouldn’t use this word about anything else but food, drink or smell.
Hilarious
I laughed out loud. Once.
Witty
I smirked a few times.
Fun
I read it stoney-faced, but if I admit it I won’t come across as the cool, relaxed free spirit I know I really am.
Sensitive
Too wet to live. Humourless as well.
Compassionate
This book is an advert for the author’s almost infinite capacity for suffering on behalf of others.
Angry
The author is a self-righteous monomaniacal narcissist with very little to complain about.
Intelligent
I’m bright enough to understand this, but you may very possibly find it a struggle.
Rite de passage
A teenager gets their end away.
Radical
It contains ideas current in the ‘60s which would cost taxpayers a fortune and would make things infinitely worse.
Thought-provoking
Even I haven’t got a clue what they’re on about.
Obscure
The book is in a foreign language which I speak fluently, but which you don’t. So there.
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