Monday, 14 November 2011

Bill Nighy proves we need a gagging order on all actors

Regular readers of this blog will know that I’m not a great fan of Bill Nighy’s “acting”, which strikes me as mannered, wooden, emotionless and deeply unconvincing. But I would rather be forced to watch him act than to ever again have to hear one of his silly, politically-motivated pronouncements.

 Today, my morning bowl of Sugar Puffs was ruined by reading the following statement (no doubt delivered in Nighy’s familiar, affectless monotone, with the upper and lower back teeth perma-welded together) in the Telegraph:

“I’ve got to go and stay with the protesters in the tents at St Paul’s… The dignity of those people and the power of the protest impresses me greatly. I’m going there to campaign for the introduction of the Robin Hood tax so we can institutionalise charity-giving.”

Arguing politics with actors is on a par with torturing puppies, but I have to make a few remarks in passing. There is nothing dignified about left-wing fascists using their own excrement to deface the cathedral which served as a symbol of London’s resistance during the Blitz. The only “power” possessed by this protest is that conferred on it by idiots such as Nighy,  the Anglican Church's spastic  leadership, and the pantywaist, milksop ditherers charged with protecting the public and property from malevolent, totalitarian wastrels.

Giving to charity is a personal act of generosity which is good for the soul of the giver and which reminds the receiver that whatever they receive isn’t theirs by right. A Robin Hood tax would simply allow our rulers to feel good about themselves while further shrinking an already flat-lining economy – and leave the end recipients of this temporary windfall feeling no gratitude whatsoever to anyone,  especially not towards those whose money has been confiscated on their behalf. History shows that when the state gives any group of imaginary “victims” cash for any reason whatsoever, it becomes a permanent right enshrined in law – as several local councils have recently discovered when activist judges have prevented them from trying to balance their books by cutting welfare provision.

I’m beginning to think that the advice given by Auberon Waugh that anyone meeting a modern architect should slap them ought now to be applied to members of the acting profession: they may not directly destroy our environment the way architects do – but they often destroy my breakfast, and surely that’s just as important.

By all means go and stay with the dignified, powerful protesters despoiling one of the great symbols of Christianity in this country, Bill. It would probably make a change for them to meet an employed person. Two weeks ago, four representatives of the mob were invited for “secret talks” (golly!) with chapter members in the Crypt. One was a “resting” actress, one was a 41-year old mother of three (how's that working out for you, kids?) who’s just picked up a Masters degree from a "university" I'd never heard of, one was an unemployed social worker, and one – also unemployed - was the founder of “Queer Resistance" (which sounds suspiciously homophobic to me – shouldn’t we adopt an inclusive approach to the homosexual community?). Nighy might explain to them what working for a living is like (although I’m not sure standing around speaking other people’s lines in a manner that suggests you’ve just been chemically coshed really counts as work).

But he’d better be more animated than usual, given the protesters’ tendency to do their No. 2s wherever the fancy takes them.


  1. Celeb power been there since Harold Wilson gave the Beatles MBEs and John Ono Lennon sent his back in protest at a war somewhere. Plus the fact that Cold Turkey didn't get to No 1. John Major thought that Nick Ross, by virtue of fronting " Spot the Blagger Watch" on TV was just the chap to be a Crime Tsar. Bono? Enough said. Then there's Bob Gandolf, whose heartfelt "give me your f****** money and eventually we'll get it back in African kleptocrat London property portfolio investment, save for the tax" spoke to a nation in pain. And Sting suddenly and sadly gives up noodling on the bass guitar to become an expert on US extradition law. Thank goodness for luvvies to illuminate the true path.

    But you overlook Bill's credentials. He was, after all, in the same film as Hugh Blair in "Lurve Actually" and might well have picked up a tip or two about politics and all that cool stuff where you can make up your own script.

    So, not surprising that Bill Nighy

  2. TV Schedule Monitor18 November 2011 at 15:07

    For those seeking Bill Nighy he is currently providing the voice-over on "UK Border Patrol" on Pick Channel [formerly "Sky 3"] every week night at 7pm. Pick Channel is regarded by the British acting profession as "God's Antechamber".

  3. This seemed so unlikely, TV Schedule Monitor, that I checked online only to discover that your facts are - well, facts. In case anyone should miss it, the programme is called "UK Border Force" (I expect that's because they gave up patrolling our borders many years ago to save money so they could spend it on the hordes of immigrants flooding into the country... or something).

    it's heartening to hear that - despite his hatred of greedy rich people - Nighy isn't against picking up money for old rope by doing vloice-overs for a broadcaster largely owned by a greedy, rich person hated by all those wankers desecrating the area around St. Paul's. No doubt the dosh will come in handy for a few treats to sustain him through those long winter nights sleeping in a freezing tent.

  4. I'm really sad that the rest of your comment was lost somewhere in the ether, EX-KCS - you were just warming up!

    I worked with Nick Ross for a bit at Westminster. He'll probably sue me for saying this - and it's based on a hunch rather than anything he said - but I always suspected that, maybe because he hadn't emerged from the ranks of BBC political correspondents, he might have been just a teensy-weensy bit, well, right-wing? A letter from Sue, Grabbitt & Runne will no doubt be dispatched within the hour, ordering me to desist from spreading malicious and totally unfounded rumours, and stating that their client has always been a keen Labour activist, committed to the concept of equality for everyone who doesn't work in the media.